"I assume you're a Christian."

I was visiting today with a patient and her daughter (really with the daughter, who's having a hard time facing the loss of her mom.) She was talking to me about her mother's faith; how long it's been since she "accepted the Lord." At that point she looked at me and said: "I assume you're a Christian." "No," I responded. A pause, and then I added, "But I understand the language."

It may seem like a funny response, but I do understand the language. And she's not the first person who has been concerned about my "relationship with Jesus" - I've had that discussion lately with several patients or family members. Today's woman took another look at me and said, "You're Jewish." "Yes." "I could tell from your headcovering." Last week's family member, after I initially missed her question about my salvation in our phone conversation, responded to my letting her know that I am a rabbi by letting me know that it was fine for me to visit her mother and to bless her because, "The Jews are God's chosen people."

Judaism is my spiritual "mother tongue." It is the lens through which I see the world. Most of my patients, however, are not Jewish. So I "translate" my religious language into theirs. I listen for the phrases in their conversations that tell me of their beliefs. I talk with them about this world and about the next (but instead I call it "the afterlife.") I affirm the lives of faith led by their loved ones. I reflect back to them the teachings that provide them comfort as they confront love and loss.

The religious differences may make me a better chaplain. I have to listen. I have to think about what they are saying and the meaning of the religious phrases they use. As I respond, I have to make sure that I have framed my response in the language they speak. I have to recognize my boundaries as well. I can't anoint a patient or absolve them of their sins. I have to reach out to their clergy, if they allow me to do so, or to clergy of their faith if they request it.

Often my kipah proclaims my faith so I don't get the questions I seem to have gotten lately. But whether patients and families know I'm Jewish or just know I'm the chaplain, my job is to let families know that I will listen to their spiritual needs, help them connect with a clergyperson if they wish, and accompany them on this journey.